On Friday we met our new friend, Nicole. Nicole and I met through blogging a few years ago when she stumbled upon my wedding blog while she was planning her own wedding. We live near each other and have been blog and Instagram friends for a while now, but finally got to meet up for lunch in person on Friday! It was a really nice time!
We enjoyed a beautiful weekend. I celebrated my friend, Kate's, Bridal Shower/Bachelorette on Saturday and had a great ladies' night out in Brooklyn!
I went to bed at 3:00am Saturday night/Sunday morning. But Natalie was up and at 'em by 7:30am. Bachelorette party recovery day is NOT the same anymore. I was beat yesterday, but it was worth it. We got outside for a little bit and Natalie and I ended up taking a nap together for a change, which was nice.
I have a journal called "one line a day" that I write in every night before bed. (Or every three nights when I forget and fill in the missing days). I have a lot of thoughts in this book, things like:
"Do I keep a separate one for my next child?"
"Do I not keep one at all for my next child? Is that fair?"
"If I were to keep two - wouldn't I largely be writing the same thing two times each night?"
"Will Natalie even care to read this one day?"
"When do I give it to her? 16? Her wedding day? When she has her first kid?"
"Is this more for me than for her?"
"If I give it to her- then what do I have to look back on as memories for me? These are things I will be able to recall- not her..."
Yes, these are the things that go through my mind at night...
If I won't have the book to look back on myself, I can at least have this blog. It's just so easy to look back in the archives, pull up a date, and see what was going on at the time. I already regret the months I haven't documented. I sometimes wonder why it's so typical to document everything for the first year when I feel like it's the second year where the real fun things begin- new words each week, new understandings. As my mother-in-law says "It's like a light bulb went on for her in the last 3 weeks." Literally every day she is surprising me with something new: trying to help me vacuum, pouring tea from her toy tea set, responding "no" to me when I ask her something, playing with her toys by herself for longer than ever! Our move took a lot out of me, and it still is. There is still much to do. But this is, for so many reasons, one of the happiest times of my life, and I want to remember it, and I want to continue to document as much as I can from it. If there is anything I learned from the move, going through old notebooks and pictures- nostalgia is a beautiful thing.
I do not have time to carefully construct a a post with fully edited photos and long-winded narratives and reflections. But what I do want to do is share one photo a day with a few lines about that day. What we did, what new thing she does, or a thought I'm having. This is basically Instagram- take a picture and slap a few hashtags to it, and that's what I've largely resorted to these past few weeks. But at least here, if I want to add a little bit more than the typical 140 characters, should I feel so inclined, I can.
Wednesday 4/12/15: went grocery shopping with you. You said "hi!" to every single person we passed, and had that entire store giggling over how cute you are.
Thursday 4/13/15: you do tricks for treats- like a dog. Daddy had you stomp your feet and then sit down- and then you got a cookie. Now when you see a cookie, you automatically sit!
These are posts I can easily compose on my phone in just a few minutes, from the comfort of my chair while I'm nursing (still going strong- 3 times a day!) and it's not going to stress me out or take up too much time.
So that's my goal starting next week! And hopefully, I can start catching back up on my favorite blogs as well!
Natalie got some great gifts for her Birthday and Christmas at the end of last year, and since then our living room has been overtaken by toys - and Natalie in general. That's even with returning about $250 worth of toys to Toys 'R Us. Here are some of her favorites at the current moment.
Chris and I were among the first of our friends to have a kid. And now as many of our friends are starting to embark on their journey to becoming parents, we're starting to get asked a lot of questions.
I love it. I'm an open book when it comes to this stuff, and I have no problem answering any questions that come my way about pregnancy, child-rearing, nursing, or parenting. I like being the forager, the person who's been through it all and back and lived to tell the tale. I can impart the little wisdom I've gained, share my mistakes, share my triumphs, and give my advice - for whatever it's worth. I don't have all the answers, I don't always have advice for every issue, but I can at least try.
But I've learned that I like the more finite questions from others:
"When did she start sleeping in her
crib?" 11 weeks.
"When did she first try a bottle?" 4 weeks.
"Did she start drinking milk right away when you started weaning?" No, it took her 2 months to drink plain milk.
"How?" "Why?" Those are questions I can answer. But when two friends who are about to become parents in April were over for dinner last week they asked us "What can we expect?" and that one, is an entirely different question to answer. That's an open ended question that can go as deep or as not-deep as you want it go.
I want to say you can expect to be exhausted, you can expect to cry from joy, sorrow, or sometimes both at the same time, or sometimes just because. You can expect to google every single little thing for the next 6 months straight. You can expect to doubt yourself, and then you can expect your mommy gut to jump in and say "no, this is right". You can expect to fight with your significant other, but also love them so much more at the same time. But I think a lot of that is obvious and I don't really think it's necessary to always point out. I don't need to sugar coat things for anyone's sake. But I also think that we, as parents, should at least make an effort to point out the good things, the positive things, rather than harp on the negative things that "you can expect."
The question I enjoyed answering was: "Are you enjoying/having more fun with Natalie now or was the last year more fun?" and while watching Natalie grow from 7 pounds to 21 pounds in just 12 months was remarkable, my answer to the question was unequivocally "NOW!" "now now now now and now....I am having much more fun now. I am enjoying her much more NOW. I am enjoying this process much more NOW." For one: I have the confidence of a year under my belt. Like starting any new job at all, there's always a year learning curve. At my last few jobs, I never felt fully comfortable with what I was doing until I was there a year, and it was the same way being a mother. I have a routine (somewhat), I have a system, and I know what I'm doing (most of the time).
She's grown to love her daddy, and respond to him in a way she never did before. For most of the last year, Chris and I watched Natalie lay on the ground, or sit and absorb everything around her, but with little to no interaction between us. We were all getting to know each other, we were all learning each other. Now, when I say to her "Can I have a hug?" she walks, sometimes runs, over to me, jumps into my arms, and wraps her arms around me with all of her might.
So am I enjoying this time with Natalie a bit more than the newborn stage?
Many of you have asked me to write a post about what it's like to be a part-time-work-from-home-mom, and to write a post about what a typical day for me is like. Since February marks one year at my new job working from home, it's only fitting to finally reflect on the last year of this new role of mine.
I have never been a person who gets bored at home. I understand the importance and need to work and contribute along with my husband, but I have long felt that even if I were a housewife before we had Natalie, I would have loved it (I cannot stress enough the difference between a housewife and a stay-at-home mom, but that's a different topic for a different day). I can always find something to do at home. There is always a workout to do, always a new book to read, always a new recipe (or 10) to try, always laundry to do, house to clean, files and pictures to organize, weekends and events to plan, walks to take, and grocery shopping to do. If I ever was bored, I think it would just mean that I didn't
have any drive interest in anything - and that's a bigger problem
than just being bored. But these days, I'm lucky if I am even able to get half of this stuff done (that's also because we're still in the throws of a house renovation and it takes up a lot of time, so I'm looking forward to things calming down once I move). But, suffice it to say, I do NOT have a freshly cooked meal waiting on the table every day when Chris arrives home from work. I do NOT have oodles of time sitting around doing nothing. I do NOT have time to myself to relax, get manicures, or put my feet up in general. I don't know how/if it would be different if I didn't have work hanging over my head for a few hours every day. Whenever I do have some time or Natalie is napping, I feel like I MUST be on my computer working or doing something work related to put in my hours each day.
To give some background on my job: I was a personal assistant to a businessman prior to leaving for my maternity leave. While I was pregnant, he started a new classical music management company with his business partner, who was looking to leave her position at a large music management company. She is now the person I report directly to, and she's an awesome woman. The business is doing very well, but since it's so new, there isn't a ton of work right now. It's one of those things that will hopefully keep growing and growing and the work will increase. I want the company to grow and get bigger, but I also worry that one day she will need a full-time assistant, and then "bye-bye me". The work hours are flexible and inconsistent. No matter the hours I work in a week, I get paid half the salary I was making before I left for maternity leave. That means I could have a week where I work 5 hours, or in turn a week where I work 30 hours (that hasn't happened yet) and my salary stays the same week to week. One day, I could be super busy with work, and then I could go 2-3 days
with little to no work. I realize my situation is not typical, or
normal, and honestly, some days I wonder how long I can keep this up.
Not in that I can't handle it, in that, it seems too good to be true, and I worry that my luck will run out. Nothing is ever really too urgent: the arrangement is as long as I get things done in a somewhat timely manner, it doesn't matter if I work at 11:00 pm at night or 2:00 pm on a Saturday, whatever I need to do to stay on top of work. Occasionally I'll get an email request for something they'd "like to review by the end of the day", which can be a little bit stressful if I'm trying to plan anything else in my day. If I'm away from a computer, I constantly check my phone to see if anything arises that needs to be taken care of right away. As long as I keep my phone on me at all times, and have a good response time on things, I'm pretty good. The opportunity to be
home with Natalie full-time and provide supplemental income for my
family is truly a dream come true for me, and I wouldn't trade my work situation for anything in the entire world.
I also have the benefit of having my mother-in-law two blocks away, so if anything really urgent ever comes up that I have to devote an afternoon or even an hour to, she is always willing to come right over and watch Natalie for me while I take care of things. There has also been a few days in the last year when I have had to go to the office for a project, and Natalie was able to stay with my mother-in-law on those days.
There isn't really a "typical" day here, but here is the most "ideal" kind of day around here. This also changes each season, because in the spring/summer/fall, I'd have various walks around the neighborhood peppered in here, but I am not getting in any walks right now with all the snow on the ground:
6:00-7:00 am - Natalie wakes up to nurse. For a very long time, she'd go
back to sleep after I nurse her until around 8 or 8:30, but for the last two weeks
she's been staying up after she nurses. So it's anyone's guess each morning - which is why there
is an hour window for each thing listed below.
7:00-8:00 am - Depending on the above, this is when I change her,
dress her, dress me, do my hair, go downstairs and make breakfast for us both. On an IDEAL (hopefully soon to be normal, everyday) day, I pop in a work out video and work out for the next half hour and this is something I'm trying to get better at. BUT if we have anywhere to be that day - like a play-date, doctor visit, or shopping for the new house, I'll let her play here before we get out the door by 9:00.
8:00 am or 9:00 am- Eat breakfast in the kitchen: egg whites and toast for
me. Typically, a mix of pancakes, eggs, and fruit for Natalie.
9:00 am-12:00 pm - She plays in the living room while I usually do work on
the computer. OR, we go out and run errands at this time - house shopping,
grocery shopping, etc. OR, on Thursdays we go to Gymboree for a class. I will nurse her again around 10 or 11am for the second time of the day. I may turn the tv on at this
point to carry her through the last hour until her lunch if I have a lot of work
12:00pm/12:30pm - Lunch - Natalie has been picky with food lately. She'll eat anything from cut-up fruit, grape tomatoes, hummus on pita or toast, grilled cheese, raisins, or various other items that she may or may not like on any given day.
1:00 pm to 2:00 pm - Nurse her to sleep for her nap. I have about one hour to myself here, so I do a quick clean-up of the kitchen from lunch and sit down to do work.
2:00 pm or 3:00 pm - She's up. She's usually cranky when she gets up, so I
like to sit on the couch with her while she eats a small bowl of cheerios and we watch an
episode of Thomas the Train at this point. If it was Spring/Summer/Fall, at
this point I'd probably go for a walk, but that's not happening right now. Some days, there's a young girl in the neighborhood who will come over after school and play with her at this time, while I do some work around the house or catch up on work emails. It's great for Natalie to get used to other people and I know that in a few years, I will have a great baby-sitter right around the corner who is already comfortable and familiar with Natalie.
Between 4:00 pm and 5:00 pm Try to wrap up things with work, or house stuff, and start thinking about prepping stuff for dinner. Since I have started weaning Natalie from nursing, I will give her a sippy cup of milk somewhere in this hour, instead of nursing her. (I'll be sharing my nursing/weaning experience soon)
5:30 pm - Chris gets home, and we all eat dinner.
6:00 pm - Playtime in the living room with Natalie and Zoey before bed. Chris and I use this time to catch up and I really try to devote this hour of the day to just focusing on being together as a family without outside distractions. Unless it's urgent, I am never doing work between 6 and 8 pm. Some nights I'll give Natalie a bath at this time.
7:00 pm - Natalie and I go upstairs. I change her, get her into her pajamas,
brush her teeth, and read books.
7:30 pm - Start nursing her to sleep.
7:45 pm - She's in her crib. Sometimes asleep, or sometimes she'll toss and
turn for a bit before falling asleep. 9 times out of 10, she's asleep by
8:00. This nursing session used to take at least 30 minutes for the longest time, sometimes longer, which I never minded. But since Natalie turned 1, she's been nursing so quickly that it's not enough time for her to fall asleep. If I'm in the mood to snuggle with her more, I'll rock her to sleep on my shoulder, but most nights, I'll put her in the crib. I'm very happy that she is capable of putting herself to sleep in her crib with minimal to no fussing, and I don't want to regress from that, so I try not to rock her to sleep too often.
8:00 pm-11:00 pm - I shower, get ready for bed, go downstairs, clean-up all the toys if I didn't do it at 7:00 before I went upstairs, clean up the kitchen, and watch tv while I catch up on work emails, facebook, and blogging.